Adjusting to a New Normal

I know it's been a while.  Let me just say that jet lag can be BRUTAL.  Hence my lack of writing.  I have wanted to post an update before now, but simply lacked the initiative or wherewithal to conjure up words from my sleep deprived brain to pen on paper.  Add to that a seven year old who has wanted to be carried and cuddled by me alone for the first few days home, and you get the idea. 

After being home from China for just four short days Randy, Cassie and I made a trip to Riley Children's Hospital to have several tests run on Cassie to determine the condition of her heart and lungs.  The first up was an EKG, which took an interpreter over the phone twenty minutes to convince Cassie would not hurt.  I think what really tipped the scale though was when the young nurse in charge of Cassie thought to offer her two big red suckers wrapped in red paper.  Knowing this is Cassie's favorite color, I surmised the outcome might be favorable.  As soon as the nurse offered Cassie the suckers, Cassie got up from the floor and allowed me to set her up on the examining table with the two suckers clenched tightly in her little fist.  

It has been determined by Cassie's pediatric cardiologist that Cassie is very stable and doing well and that her health status in regards to her heart is better than her medical records from China had indicated.  Even with this being the case, Cassie will have a heart catheterization perfomed on January 10th to open up a passage from her right ventricle to her left aorta so that blood can flow through.  Hopefully, if Cassie's pediatric cardiologist is reading this now he will call me and let me know if i am failing to decribe accurately the method and purpose of this procedure.  Later on down the road, Cassie may also have another catherization performed which will close up a hole in her left aorta, which the doctor indicated is a necessary hole.  But let me just say for the record, i believe God plans on closing up this hole without man's assistance.  I think someday we will have another echocardiogram perfomed on Cassie, and there will be no hole.  

The vacuous condition in which Cassie found herself her entire life is over.  No longer will Cassie have to fear the worse when someone leaves the room or house. Just the other day, when we returned to our home after visiting Riley, Cassie began crying out in fright.  I called our new friend who speaks mandarin and she found out that Cassie feared Sonya had gone "missing" since she wasn't at home when we got there.  Our friend reminded Cassie that Sonya had spent the night at a friend's house since we had doctors' appointments all day and that we would go and get her immediately.  How many of Cassie's little friends have gone "missing" (adopted) through the years never to be seen or heard from again?  Yes, Cassie needed a hole in her heart to survive up until now but no longer.  Remembering the words of the Lord, "She has a broken heart, and your love will heal her.  I will heal her."   

With that being said, as sweet as Cassie is, as innately generous and kind as Cassie is, she still is a product of an institutional setting, and this has left her wanting and needing a mother to the point of not wanting to share me with anyone, which you can imagine hasn't gone over very well with Sonya who has always had my exclusive attention outside of her father.  So, we have had our trials these past three weeks, and although seemingly lessened far from over. 

When Cassie is not wanting me to hold her or following me around like a shadow, she is seeking the attention of others, charming those she meets.  This has been her life, friends, and it hurts my heart to watch a young child feel a need to "wow an audience" in order to not be forgotten.  And she will periodically throw herself on someone, even a stranger, seeking hugs and kisses.  Yesterday at the doctor's office for instance, while a young father was seated in a chair with his baby in front of him in her carrier, Cassie quickly went over and kissed this man on the cheek.   Thank you to those of you who have met Cassie and have determined to help us to not allow her to take her displays of affection this far.  Of course, this man did not see it coming, but there is an instance of a woman at the Chicago airport who Cassie ran to and the woman scooped her up and allowed Cassie to repeatedly kiss her cheek before I could walk over and as calmly as possible explain to this woman the situation we are facing and help her to see it's really not in this little girl's best interest to entertain her in this manner. 

I've had other adoptive parents share how awkward it can be when they are in a position to ask people to please not allow their newly adopted children to hang on them.  People like to say in this instance, "But your child is so cute, so friendly, so affectionate.  It would be wrong for me to not allow them to hug me or kiss me in this manner", etc.    But if these same people could just put themselves in our shoes for a moment and reflect on how it might feel if their children were the ones running into the arms of strangers, or even friends for that matter, and showering them with hugs and kisses on the lips.  What parent in their right mind would consider that okay? 

When we attended church last Sunday evening, when Cassie would run to someone they would either lean over and pat her on the back or even allow Cassie to hug them around their waist but not pick her up.  This is what i am talking about.  I would not ask anyone to shun my daughter.  Simply help her learn safe boundaries as you would with your own children or grandchildren. 

Now, i would like to share a few pictures, starting with Christmas with the girls.  Cassie's first Christmas ever.

Oh, and I've finally discovered an activity that the girls can do together where neither of them wants me to hold them or even touch them and noone's competing for my affection.  As a matter fact, they tell me in two different languages to sit still and be quiet.   

The only thing is I forgot the girls had done my hair , so when I was rushing around to get everyone ready for doctors' appointments, I looked in the mirror and realized what i was gonna have to do before I could wash  my hair, and it only took me TWENTY MINUTES!  So maybe it's a good activity for the girls to do together for the sake of teamwork, or like Sonya loves to say, "Or NOT!"

And thank you, Johni and Bo, for welcoming us home in this way!  It meant a lot to us to pull up in our drive and see the balloons and signs after traveling across the world for twenty-four hours straight!   



We're Back!

Well, we made it home safe and sound.  It's a little after four in the morning, and while the girls are up playing in their room together, I am making them breakfast.  Cassie is a little on the picky side, so it's going to be rice and soy sauce, scrambled eggs, tangerines and grapes.  Although, Cassie is so excited i don't know how much she will actually eat.  I walked her through the house last night and showed her every room while Randy and our friends the Shafers were unloading our luggage, and in every room she would exclaim, "Wooooooo" and then give me a great big smile.  

I will post later, but right now i kinda have my hands full.  

Cassie being an airplane on her very last  plane ride from Chicago to Fort Wayne.

Cassie looking pleased as punch that she's finally going home!

Home for Christmas!

It's hard to believe our time here is drawing to an end. But I am very grateful to come home to America. It is the best place to live on earth, and i pray we as Americans stop taking our freedoms for granted lest they be stripped from us as they have been in other countries, but that's a whole separate topic for a different day.

Cassie ran into her father's arms at the American Consulate yesterday. Great strides are being made in a positive direction, and we know how many people are praying for bonding to occur and it is happening. It is nothing we are doing special. It is the Lord replacing in Cassie a stony heart with a heart of flesh so that she can feel her daddy's love and respond to it. As the Lord continues to knit our hearts all together, we will see one miracle after another occurring in His name. Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity to bring glory and honor to Your Father!

We are looking forward to being able to communicate better with Cassie. It is really much harder than I thought on Cassie to not be able to tell us what she needs, or how she thinks. For instance, for two days, she repeated something to me, as she grew more insistent in her pleas with the passing of time. I finally thought to call our guide to see what caused her to feel such urgency. It turns out Cassie had been asking me if we would buy her a toy plane, and she grew more and more frantic due to shear frustration at not being understood by her own mommy.

She speaks to the chinese people around her, and as they share what she says, she's actually very funny and playful. She's very calm in her interactions with them. So you can see we are looking forward to communicating with her in english so her frustration can be replaced with calm and peace and understanding.

I gotta run, need to pack while Randy is out with the girls. See you all when we get back. We are arriving at around 4ish on December 23rd at the Baerfield Airport if anyone should like to welcome Cassie home. We will be very tired, and probably not on our game, but we can get many pictures for her to look at in the future, and tell her many people came to see her and welcome her to America. Like the chinese like to say, "Bye-Bye!"

Orphanage Visit - Sunday

Safari Park On Thursday

Orphanage Visit

We had our visit to the orphanage today. It went very well, and Cassie even made a great big breakthrough with her dad when she let him carry her for quite a while. I do not have pictures to post because even though i took many, i cannot figure out how to upload them from this new camera onto the laptop I am borrowing. Hopefully, I can get the help of one of the adoptive parents tomorrow to figure it all out and share with you some of what we experienced.

It's not easy walking into an orphanage knowing we'd walk out and leave so many children behind. Cassie Feng Mei sure was happy to leave I'll say that much, even though she was very warm to the ayis and Miss Zhong during our visit.

One young man was brought to me and I was told he is aging out, and he wants a family, so I was asked to take a picture with him and spread the word that there is a thirteen year old boy out there in this great big world who has no family but who wants one. He is open. Email me if you'd like to find out more, and I will direct you to the right person to find out more information about him.

The language barrier is proving quite difficult. Cassie is a very verbal child, and so often we have no idea what she's trying to say to us. She gets frustrated and lamenting, exasperated even. But if i find someone who speaks mandarin to find out what she needs, she is always very reasonable when discussing with them what is going on in that mind of hers. And this child is SMART.

In a way, Cassie is still so very young, but she's old enough to have formed her own opinions and ways. We love Cassie, but we really don't KNOW her, unlike Sonya who came to us at such an early age with no apparent understanding of anything different than what we taught her ourselves.

Cassie is open. Cassie is sweet. Cassie is kind, and Cassie is hurting. She demonstrates this hurt through the push/pull behavior she displays towards Randy. Yes, we are making strides in a positive direction, but right now, we certainly could use your prayers for more bonding as a family even while still here in China.

Something else worth mentioning - on our way to the orphanage this morning our guide touched Cassie's fingertips, and commented on how warm they are. She mentioned it's been her experience that people with poor circulation generally have cold fingertips. Once at the orphanage it was confirmed that when Cassie lived there, her fingertips and toes were always cold to the touch. Not only are Cassie's hands warm, but so are her feet and toes. This is good news for sure, and something worth praising the Lord about.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for praying. I feel rather vulnerable here, so far away from our safety net and our church and friends. I will be grateful to be home. I promise I will never complain about our squeaky floors ever again! On that same note I'd like to mention that Cassie gets really agitated whenever we spend too much time in the hotel room. She wants to go, go, go. We walk around on Shamian Island quite a bit, and it's at these times when she seems the most peaceful. Well, it turns out she's started to think that our hotel room is our home, and she had been looking so forward to going abroad in an airplane to a new land and a new home and a new people. Once our guide, Cordelia, was able to ascertain from Cassie what her thinking's been, she was able to reassure Cassie that indeed very soon we will all board a plane together and fly to a new land and a new home. Which seemed to comfort her to know.....

Prayers Rising

We can feel the prayers rising. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! We see much improvement with both girls. Sonya's beautiful smile is returning more and more, and Cassie Feng Mei of her own volition threw her daddy a kiss yesterday as she was walking away from him holding my hand. We'll take it!

It is 5:30 am here, and hopefully I can blog this before the girls wake up. I told you I wanted to share a story with you about Jordon, but before I do, I want to let you know I have met many shop owners here in Guangzhou who are Christians. I have some stories to share about that, but I better get back to the one with Jordon.

I met Jordon eight years ago when I was in Guangzhou to bring Sonya home. At the time Randy and I were not Christians. When I met Jordon and his wife at their shop, I recognized something different about them. All these years I've thought of them and wondered why they seemed so special. It wasn't until recently that I learned through various adoption blogs that Jordon and his wife are Christians. When I learned of this, I made a point before I left home to gather some pics I had taken of them holding Sonya in their arms while we were visiting their shop only eight years previous.

So four days ago we ran into Jordon while walking down the street. Immediately he struck up conversation, and I almost threw my arms around him I was so happy to see him, but of course, he did not recognize me or know me, so I proceeded to tell him Sonya and I had met him eight years ago. I told him I would visit him at his shop, and while he was walking away Jordon said, "You know, it is good to be a Christian." Of course, if you know me, you know I couldn't wait then to tell him the story of our initial meeting and of how he and his wife had made an impression on me all these years just by their presence. They were different, and it was obvious. I shared with Jordon that his life is his witness. He was so grateful and touched to hear this. As he was headed off for a meeting at his church, we promised to visit him another day at his shop and bring the pictures.

 

Two days ago, we had been searching for Jordon's shop without any luck when once again we ran into him on the street. He showed us to his shop, and as the girls were looking through his store for little trinkets, Randy and I asked him if he would be willing to tell Feng Mei about Jesus and also tell her the meaning of her american name and see if she would be open to us calling her that now.

Cassandra means "to bring light to man", and because Jesus is the light of the world and because Jesus has had his hand on this little girl all these years, how could any other name be more fitting for her? First , Jordon showed Feng Mei the Holy Bible and then told her all about Jesus and asked if she had ever heard of Him while at the orphanage. She had not. Then Jordon shared with Feng Mei that Randy and I (mama and baba) had come to China to bring her home and give her a family because Jesus had sent us. He told Feng Mei that her mama and baba wanted to teach her about Jesus and asked if she would like that. She said she would.

Then he told her about the meaning of her new name, and shared the shortened version, "Cassie" with her and asked if she would like to be called Cassie , or Feng Mei. Feng Mei told Jordon that from now on she wanted to be called Cassie. Randy and I were overjoyed to hear of Cassie's openness to Jesus and her new name. And of course, as always, I was overcome with emotion and could hardly hold back a flood of tears.

Before we left, Jordon asked to pray with us. He said when we saw him he had just come from praying at church and asked Jesus to send a family for him to pray with, so he knew when we requested his help that we were the family God sent. So we stood in the middle of his store while a couple other families shopped, held hands, bowed our heads and prayed.    

 

So here we are three days later, and we are visiting the Safari Park today. I know the girls will really enjoy this. We had Cassie Feng Mei's medical exam yesterday, and she was not at all happy about it. Here are at least a couple of pictures from yesterday. I hope you enjoy! Hope to "talk" soon!