And this is Sonya's second camel ride ever!
More pictures from that day...
Thursday, June 7, 2012
More Pics!
We visited Maple Lane Wildlife Farm in Topeka, IN in late May. The first pics are of Cassie on her very first EVER camel ride! Notice the sense of accomplishment that seems to envelope her.
Let's Try This Again, Shall We?
Okay, here are some of the pictures i promised you the other day.
At our recent ENT visit, the following pictures depict a vastly different response/reaction from my girls when the nurse started probing around inside their ears.
At our recent ENT visit, the following pictures depict a vastly different response/reaction from my girls when the nurse started probing around inside their ears.
FINALLY!!! All done!
Monday, June 4, 2012
A Long Overdue Update
It's been a long time again, hasn't it? I have pictures to share later, but for now, just some motherly observations involving the growth we've seen in our youngest in the past five and one half months home from China. Today i need to remind myself just how far Cassie has come because in my humanness i can get caught up in thinking about how far she still needs to go in the overall healing process, and I begin to feel overwhelmed and incapable of helping her the way she needs to be helped. Of course, a verse that brings me back to sanity and reality is, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13
I cannot do anything well without His divine help and intervention to lead, guide and direct my every step. In other words, when I step out of His way and let Him do it, VICTORY IS ACHIEVED! When I forget this and try to do it on my own, I fail miserably - as a wife, as a mother, as a Christian. I know many people who might say otherwise of me because they are only familiar with my "public self". But only through Him does my public and personal self fuse. By Him and through Him alone, I can behave the same toward those who I am the closest to as I do with the people with whom my path intersects in the world.
How has Cassie grown? Allow me to enumerate:
1. She no longer follows me or Randy around begging to "go bye bye" every half hour. Actually, Cassie can stay home now for a full day without going completely berserk ( I kid you not). And even then, when we would take her out on daily excursions, we could be home for less than an hour before she would start begging to "go bye bye" again.
2. She no longer, generally speaking, takes things that do not belong to her. In the past, i would often find Sonya's stuff mixed in with Cassie's treasures.
3. She no longer glares at Randy and me and stomps out of the room threatening to put herself in bed when we tell her "no". Not so long ago, while we got the "evil eye" several times per day, others got her smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses.
4. She no longer pinches, kicks, spits on, strangles or hits. And for the most part she's given up belching.
5. She no longer tells me she wants a "new mommy". :-)
6. She no longer wets her pants or bed. Cassie told me at the orphanage she would wet her bed or her pants and she would be left in it. Now she takes pride in the fact that she can keep her bed dry by getting up in the night and using the bathroom. As far as wetting her pants, she's had to spend a few times sitting on her bed for ten minute intervals before breaking this habit.
7. She no longer climbs in bed with me several times a night for fear that I will not be there when she wakes up. We're down to one time a night when she comes in for me to walk her to the bathroom and tuck her back into bed afterwards.
8. She no longer picks the cat up by the tail or, generally speaking, holds her against her will.
9. She no longer runs into the arms of strangers or acquaintances while throwing her arms around their neck and kissing them profusely about the face while turning away from Randy and me for the same. Now she will ask permission first to give someone a kiss on the cheek but only if it is someone we know and she knows. And she will openly volunteer kisses and hugs for Randy and me, moreso than before I should say. She still has a ways to go in this area. I think while Cassie has helped Sonya to become more affectionate towards other people because of the affection she herself has lavished on Sonya, Sonya is teaching Cassie that hugs and kisses from mom and dad are "the best".
10. More and more, she sees herself equal to Sonya, in worth, merit, ability and love. Cassie has been very jealous of Sonya in many ways and at times takes it out on Sonya while in a public setting which, of course, has
served to horrify Sonya to no end. But slowly, Cassie is beginning to feel or understand that Randy and I truly want to be there for her just as much and in the same way we are there for her big sister.
There is more i am sure, but all of the progress sometimes gets clouded over by the glaring reality of what abandonment and rejection and neglect will and can do to a young life. But I do have a short story to share with you that just happened today, and if I could step back from my own life for a moment i would see that everyday there is a new story to tell and a new breakthough which occurs in the midst of emotional outbursts and challenges.
So here's what happened. Something I've been working on with Cassie is to tell on herself when she does something wrong. For instance, one day while I was in the kitchen I noticed there was yogurt all over the ceiling, the cupboards and floor. Immediately I went to get Cassie because, honestly, had it been Sonya she would have come to get me to help her clean it up, probably apologizing profusely in the process because that's just Sonya, but the long and the short of it is this - Sonya has learned it is far better to tell on herself when she does something wrong than for me to find out about it on my own.
Anyway, I took Cassie by the hand, I lead her into the kitchen, pointed to the mess all over the ceiling and cupboards everywhere and I asked her if she knew anything about. She only looked at me and shrugged. I proceeded to tell her I knew she had done it and asked her why she didn't tell mommy. Cassie could only insist that she knew nothing at all about this and that it must have just happened on its own, or something like that.
I asked her next time that something like that happened to please tell me so I can clean it up right away. I told her if she were to come to me she would not get in trouble, but if she were to keep it from me that when i found out about it, there would be consequences. That day I left the situation with her not really sure what she understood me to say.
Until today that is when Cassie showed me she had knocked some of her father's clean work shirts to the floor which had been hanging up in the laundry room. She pointed to them and looked up at me and said, "Mei Mei did that, Mommy. I sorry, Mommy. I no do again."
And of course, I gave her the biggest hug, kissed her on the forehead, and then looked her in the eyes while telling her how proud i am of her. Cassie, BEAMED, and she said, "Thank you, Mama."
Well i didn't stop there. I hurriedly took her out the door where she was to meet her daddy and sister for a date and exclaimed, "I have some very exciting news to share with you about Cassie! Cassie just told on herself!"
I proceeded to tell Randy what had just transpired, and he too gave Cassie a hug and told her how proud he was of her.
Our words to Cassie were like a healing balm to her fractured soul. I could see this in her eyes and in her countenance. And i am fully aware that as i type this that tomorrow will present us with even more obstacles and challenges which will probably appear huge and insurmountable in my eyes, and have me shaking my head or leave me with a quivering lower lip until i look up and ask for help.
AGAIN. :-)
Now onto the pictures!
I know! I know! I promised pics, But can anyone tell me why blogger is disallowing me to add pics to this post? Everytime i hit the Publish button, the screen goes blank? I would LOVE a little help here if you have a sec.
I cannot do anything well without His divine help and intervention to lead, guide and direct my every step. In other words, when I step out of His way and let Him do it, VICTORY IS ACHIEVED! When I forget this and try to do it on my own, I fail miserably - as a wife, as a mother, as a Christian. I know many people who might say otherwise of me because they are only familiar with my "public self". But only through Him does my public and personal self fuse. By Him and through Him alone, I can behave the same toward those who I am the closest to as I do with the people with whom my path intersects in the world.
How has Cassie grown? Allow me to enumerate:
1. She no longer follows me or Randy around begging to "go bye bye" every half hour. Actually, Cassie can stay home now for a full day without going completely berserk ( I kid you not). And even then, when we would take her out on daily excursions, we could be home for less than an hour before she would start begging to "go bye bye" again.
2. She no longer, generally speaking, takes things that do not belong to her. In the past, i would often find Sonya's stuff mixed in with Cassie's treasures.
3. She no longer glares at Randy and me and stomps out of the room threatening to put herself in bed when we tell her "no". Not so long ago, while we got the "evil eye" several times per day, others got her smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses.
4. She no longer pinches, kicks, spits on, strangles or hits. And for the most part she's given up belching.
5. She no longer tells me she wants a "new mommy". :-)
6. She no longer wets her pants or bed. Cassie told me at the orphanage she would wet her bed or her pants and she would be left in it. Now she takes pride in the fact that she can keep her bed dry by getting up in the night and using the bathroom. As far as wetting her pants, she's had to spend a few times sitting on her bed for ten minute intervals before breaking this habit.
7. She no longer climbs in bed with me several times a night for fear that I will not be there when she wakes up. We're down to one time a night when she comes in for me to walk her to the bathroom and tuck her back into bed afterwards.
8. She no longer picks the cat up by the tail or, generally speaking, holds her against her will.
9. She no longer runs into the arms of strangers or acquaintances while throwing her arms around their neck and kissing them profusely about the face while turning away from Randy and me for the same. Now she will ask permission first to give someone a kiss on the cheek but only if it is someone we know and she knows. And she will openly volunteer kisses and hugs for Randy and me, moreso than before I should say. She still has a ways to go in this area. I think while Cassie has helped Sonya to become more affectionate towards other people because of the affection she herself has lavished on Sonya, Sonya is teaching Cassie that hugs and kisses from mom and dad are "the best".
10. More and more, she sees herself equal to Sonya, in worth, merit, ability and love. Cassie has been very jealous of Sonya in many ways and at times takes it out on Sonya while in a public setting which, of course, has
served to horrify Sonya to no end. But slowly, Cassie is beginning to feel or understand that Randy and I truly want to be there for her just as much and in the same way we are there for her big sister.
There is more i am sure, but all of the progress sometimes gets clouded over by the glaring reality of what abandonment and rejection and neglect will and can do to a young life. But I do have a short story to share with you that just happened today, and if I could step back from my own life for a moment i would see that everyday there is a new story to tell and a new breakthough which occurs in the midst of emotional outbursts and challenges.
So here's what happened. Something I've been working on with Cassie is to tell on herself when she does something wrong. For instance, one day while I was in the kitchen I noticed there was yogurt all over the ceiling, the cupboards and floor. Immediately I went to get Cassie because, honestly, had it been Sonya she would have come to get me to help her clean it up, probably apologizing profusely in the process because that's just Sonya, but the long and the short of it is this - Sonya has learned it is far better to tell on herself when she does something wrong than for me to find out about it on my own.
Anyway, I took Cassie by the hand, I lead her into the kitchen, pointed to the mess all over the ceiling and cupboards everywhere and I asked her if she knew anything about. She only looked at me and shrugged. I proceeded to tell her I knew she had done it and asked her why she didn't tell mommy. Cassie could only insist that she knew nothing at all about this and that it must have just happened on its own, or something like that.
I asked her next time that something like that happened to please tell me so I can clean it up right away. I told her if she were to come to me she would not get in trouble, but if she were to keep it from me that when i found out about it, there would be consequences. That day I left the situation with her not really sure what she understood me to say.
Until today that is when Cassie showed me she had knocked some of her father's clean work shirts to the floor which had been hanging up in the laundry room. She pointed to them and looked up at me and said, "Mei Mei did that, Mommy. I sorry, Mommy. I no do again."
And of course, I gave her the biggest hug, kissed her on the forehead, and then looked her in the eyes while telling her how proud i am of her. Cassie, BEAMED, and she said, "Thank you, Mama."
Well i didn't stop there. I hurriedly took her out the door where she was to meet her daddy and sister for a date and exclaimed, "I have some very exciting news to share with you about Cassie! Cassie just told on herself!"
I proceeded to tell Randy what had just transpired, and he too gave Cassie a hug and told her how proud he was of her.
Our words to Cassie were like a healing balm to her fractured soul. I could see this in her eyes and in her countenance. And i am fully aware that as i type this that tomorrow will present us with even more obstacles and challenges which will probably appear huge and insurmountable in my eyes, and have me shaking my head or leave me with a quivering lower lip until i look up and ask for help.
AGAIN. :-)
I know! I know! I promised pics, But can anyone tell me why blogger is disallowing me to add pics to this post? Everytime i hit the Publish button, the screen goes blank? I would LOVE a little help here if you have a sec.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Happy Birthday, Sonya!
Sonya turned nine years old today! "Happy Birthday, sweet Sonya!"
The next few pictures are of the girls all wound up on sugar and acting VERY silly.
Yes, it has been a long while since i posted. Words are few and far between for me these days. This past five months has been a loooong haul for my whole family, people. Whew! And the language barrier is the very crux of the ensuing dilemma we find ourselves in DAILY. BUT... Things are slowly improving.
Cassie will be attending a speech camp for six weeks this summer, so help is on the way. And she is also in physical therapy to increase her gross motor skills. Imagine if you will a seven year old who never had the opportunity to develop physically until her heart cath in January of this year! Now also imagine that due to this seven year old child's physical condition she was placed with younger children, having never attended school and having noone in her life who ever expected anything of her AT ALL. Until now that is... Because one cannot function in a family otherwise. BUT... It's an issue of stunted emotional development that hopefully some day we will be able to close the gap on, but for now, I am one tired momma. With very little to say... Hence the long delay in posting.
Now just a few random pics of Cassie doing her thing, and that is, developing into the girl God intended her to be all along. I hope you enjoy!
The next few pictures are of the girls all wound up on sugar and acting VERY silly.
Yes, it has been a long while since i posted. Words are few and far between for me these days. This past five months has been a loooong haul for my whole family, people. Whew! And the language barrier is the very crux of the ensuing dilemma we find ourselves in DAILY. BUT... Things are slowly improving.
Cassie will be attending a speech camp for six weeks this summer, so help is on the way. And she is also in physical therapy to increase her gross motor skills. Imagine if you will a seven year old who never had the opportunity to develop physically until her heart cath in January of this year! Now also imagine that due to this seven year old child's physical condition she was placed with younger children, having never attended school and having noone in her life who ever expected anything of her AT ALL. Until now that is... Because one cannot function in a family otherwise. BUT... It's an issue of stunted emotional development that hopefully some day we will be able to close the gap on, but for now, I am one tired momma. With very little to say... Hence the long delay in posting.
Now just a few random pics of Cassie doing her thing, and that is, developing into the girl God intended her to be all along. I hope you enjoy!
Until Next time!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Prepare for Tears
When I watched this video, I wept... Christian people, what are we doing? Please watch. And PRAY.
No Greater Joy Dad: Bulgaria's Abandoned Children Video
No Greater Joy Dad: Bulgaria's Abandoned Children Video
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Long and Winding Road - My Journey to Jesus Part II
Back on January 28th of this year, I began to tell you of my relationship with Jesus and how it came to be. You can read about that at yiandmeitogether.blogspot.com/2012/01/how-was-china.html. Then recently I added, prompted by the Holy Spirit, a second part to it which can be found at http://yiandmeitogether.blogspot.com/2012/03/long-and-winding-road-my-journey-to.html.
Now here I am again, doing my best to paint an accurate picture for you, the reader, of my life with and without Jesus in it. Hopefully, prayerfully, by the time you conclude this entry you will either a. Recognize you gave your life to Jesus a long time ago but never knew how to keep a relationship going with Him. In this case, you will have lost your witness, but not your salvation, but now you want to recommit to Him by studying His Word and living it out; b. You go to church on Sundays, read your bible sometimes and believe that makes you a Christian and are now realizing there is much more to it than that and that you must be born again in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven; or c. You have always thought of the Jesus story as one big scam and anyone claiming to believe in Him to be delusional but now you are willing to admit to yourself that there really is something to all of this and maybe even go as far as to seek His Face this very moment and ask Him to be Lord and Savior over your life.
Here it goes, friends:
Part III of My Journey to Him
Yet... still... I knew nothing of God's Word. So even though I had this love for Jesus, this REAL Love for Jesus, I embarked on a sixteen year journey practicing New Age teachings, deeply embedding myself into what i would now refer to as a New Age cult. I look back and recognize that the picture I developed of the Jesus of the Bible had become so distorted that I simply was in disbelief that the Jesus who visited me in my bedroom that night could be the same Jesus of the Bible my brothers used to preach at us about for hours on end. It never occurred to me that their view of Jesus and their interpretation of the Bible was what was distorted and neither of the former.
So for sixteen years, I chased after an image of a false Jesus through the writings of namely Torkom Saraydarian. All was not loss, however, because it was there I met my husband, Randy. It was there that the two of us decided to adopt Sonya. And it was there where the memory of the One Who Saved me began to slowly yet methodically resurrect Himself in my life, mind and heart - the Jesus of the Holy Bible - the Living Word.
Then just over five years ago, I was driving home after teaching a class out of town. I was listening to a Christian music station as had become customary for me to do being that it was the only station with clean lyrics without news and suitable for Sonya's little ears. On my mind that night was the concept of karma and past lives. I was thinking about how daily I was creating more negative karma for myself, whether it was with an unkind thought, negative emotion or behavior of some sort. I reflected on the scripture when Jesus tells us to “be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.” In the New Age teaching, this verse is interpreted at face value – a person needs to be completely perfect to leave this earth for good. At this point I grew perplexed and somewhat bewildered at the predicament in which I found myself. How in the world was I ever going to work off all the karma from this lifetime and every other lifetime since I’ve been on this earth, especially since I didn’t have a clue about what I had done in past lives?!!
I literally wept as I drove down the highway, crying out to God, “How long am I going to have to come back to this god-forsaken planet before I can come home to you?!” God’s reply to me, “Reincarnation is a lie. You only get one life.”
I think it is worth mentioning that at this time, Sonya was three years of age, and I just could not bring myself to ever want to teach Sonya about reincarnation. The idea literally repulsed me. Now I knew why.
Less than two weeks later, August of 2006, Randy and I walked away from that cult and never looked back. It was our love for Sonya which drove our decision to leave right away, and I can see now how God’s Plan for us to adopt Sonya was His way of leading us out of there. But…in order for Him to get our full attention, we first needed to leave.
Once we left the New Age, however, a vacuum had been created in our lives and not sure what to replace it with, we replaced it with not much of anything. Initially we did attend a church, more so to fulfill a need in us to give Sonya some sense of community more than anything else. But quite frankly, both Randy and I still had a bad taste in our mouth regarding the Bible and our notion of its contents. I still called people who really “got into” the bible “bible thumpers”.
At a Crossroads
It was in November of 2009 when I experienced a shattering realization about how far “good” people can stray from God’s will without ever knowing it. My husband Randy and I had made a decision concerning our financial future that we thought was God’s good and perfect will for our little family. When we discovered that not only was our decision not God’s will for us but because of our faulty judgment we were standing completely outside of His will, I wept bitter tears. Never in my life had I experienced such sorrow of spirit. I felt complete humiliation, and a deep despair welled up within my very bones. I thought I had it “all figured out”, but it turns out I didn’t know a thing.
I can see now how God used that experience to draw me closer to Him because it was in the experiencing of humiliation that I was humbled. For probably only the third time in my entire life, I fell down on my knees and repented of my every sin against the Father. I called out to the Lord to save me. It is then while I lay weeping and sobbing with my faced pressed up against the floor that the Lord spoke to me and said, “Learn my Word so that this may never happen to you again.” Amen!
It is then that I finally yielded myself to God completely and began the journey of understanding His Truth from His own mouth – The Holy Bible. Again I say, AMEN! It is then that I finally understood that when I walk with the Lord and lean on His Word as the ONLY Truth which guides me I will feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and in doing so avoid the snares of the adversary. In this I can give All Glory, Honor and Praise to God my Father. Amen!
Thus began for me a fervent search to find and attend regularly a church who preached from the Word exclusively. In a three week period, I visited several churches with my then six year old Sonya by my side. At that point, Randy was still feeling like church was not a necessity for him, but as for me I knew where I belonged and felt like time was slipping away. I really did feel such a sense of urgency with this…
Beginning in January of 2010 we began attending Waynedale Baptist as a family. A lot has happened in our family since; together the baptism of Randy, Sonya and me immersed in the baptismal waters July 11, 2010; the renewal of our wedding vows October 2, 2010; the beginning of finding our way to Cassie (once known as Zhong Feng Mei) December 5-13, 2010; traveling to China as a family to bring her home December 9-23, 2011. And with each and every step, I can see God's guiding Hand. Each step needed to take place before the one following it, and I know that I know that I know the Lord has lead us down the path He has chosen for our family. “Acknowledge God in all your ways, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6
So what have I learned from reading God’s Holy Word and attending a church that preaches and teaches the miracle-working, mountain-moving, awe-inspiring power of Jesus Christ? I have learned that the only thing which assures us of our eternal salvation is Christ alone. As Preacher likes to point out - church membership, tithing, baptism will not save us. Jesus Christ alone through His atoning blood will. This blood by which we become covered the second we repent and ask forgiveness for our sins, turning away from our old life and asking Jesus to be Lord and Savior from now on out. And when can we or when should we be saved? The Bible tells us the time is now. ...behold, now is the accepted time, behold, now is the day of salvation. II Corinthians 6:2.
Salvation is for all of us because we are all sinners. “Sinners”, “sin”, two words that used to sound like nails across a chalkboard to my ears- that is until, I realized my belief in karma was way worse because karma is simply sin stretched over a very long period of time with only one way of paying it off and that is through works. But the sin referred to in the bible is something we were born with and something we can never pay off on our own and furthermore it is impossible, due to the human condition, to ever live a sinless life. Only Jesus did that, and He was and is and always will be willing to take our sin from us and wash it clean. That is if we are willing to admit we cannot do it on our own and that we need a Savior and Lord to direct our steps.
As I read back on all that i have written regarding Jesus Christ, I can say for certain that I am a miracle, people, because the change of heart within me is nothing short of miraculous, I tell you! If, however, I could impress upon my readership just one thing about my journey back to Jesus it would be this – HE IS ALIVE! Jesus is alive, and we can walk with Him and we can talk with Him, and get this- He even cares about every little detail of our lives.
When I say I go to church; when I say God lead me and my family to church, I am not saying we got all “religious”. I am saying God lead us to a church that preaches from the Word and the Word is LIVING, and the Word is Life-Changing, and the Word is JESUS. I am talking about attending a church that teaches the Truth from the LIVING WORD and the simple truth is this - religion won’t get us to heaven only a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will. Going to church won't save us, remember? Jesus will save us. And the reason studying the bible and living out its simple truths will lead us to the Truth about Salvation through Christ Jesus is because the Word is Jesus on paper!
I've heard that Religion is man reaching up to God and trying to hold on; Yet RELATIONSHIP is God reaching down to us, grabbing ahold and never letting go. Religion, filled with rituals and a necessity for works while a relationship with Jesus involves letting go and letting Him through us perform works of an everlasting kind.
You know, when people would approach me way back when and tell me I was destined for hell unless I believed in their Jesus, and that my beliefs were silly or baseless or whatever, their intentions actually became a stumbling block to me coming to Jesus sooner. Nobody wants to be made to feel like they are on the “losing team”. But then there were others who would show me what the bible says about life and what it says about the world presently, and never did they point an accusing finger. Even though in truth I thought they were WRONG, their demonstrated kindness made a lasting impression. They showed me love and friendship. They were like Jesus to me.
So here’s the thing, if you are reading this now and you have never asked Jesus to come into your heart and life and change you inside and out, now is the time. Even if your life looks pristine and together to your neighbors, friends and colleagues but deep down you know you’re one step away from “losing it” or “falling into” a depression” or “going off” on your spouse again or drinking and drugging yourself into oblivion or chasing after the world while it keeps changing the rules on you or losing sleep at night for fear of tomorrow….then now is the time.
Simply call out to the Lord. Call out to Jesus and ask him to help you now. He will. I know He will. He always does. Tell Him you can’t do it alone and you’re sick of trying. Tell Him you are a sinner (yes, a sinner through and through) and that you want a fresh start and you need His help to do it. Then ask Him to forgive you for all that you have done against Him. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9.
Or...if you are reading this now and you believe your life is just FINE without Him, then do me a favor. Just imagine for a moment that you are DEAD WRONG. And call out to Him anyway. What do you have to lose? Call out to Jesus, and tell Him you are having trouble believing He is real. Tell Him the truth. Tell Him you would like to believe but do not know how or why. Ask Him to show you the how and the why of it all. Ask Him to "show up". If you are sincere, He will. In one way or another, He will show up for you and give you a chance to confess and repent and ask and accept Him into your life FOR GOOD. Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20
Now please open up your bible, or go purchase a bible, and read it. And find a Holy Spirit filled church to attend with your family. If your spouse won't go with you initially, load your kids up in the car this Sunday morning and go alone. As our daughter Cassie likes to say often, having been in America and with her forever family for less than four months now, “Wo ai church.” (I love church.)
Go to church.
Study His Word.
Let Jesus in.
Have assurance of eternal salvation.
Change your life.
God bless you today! Love, Cheryl
Now here I am again, doing my best to paint an accurate picture for you, the reader, of my life with and without Jesus in it. Hopefully, prayerfully, by the time you conclude this entry you will either a. Recognize you gave your life to Jesus a long time ago but never knew how to keep a relationship going with Him. In this case, you will have lost your witness, but not your salvation, but now you want to recommit to Him by studying His Word and living it out; b. You go to church on Sundays, read your bible sometimes and believe that makes you a Christian and are now realizing there is much more to it than that and that you must be born again in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven; or c. You have always thought of the Jesus story as one big scam and anyone claiming to believe in Him to be delusional but now you are willing to admit to yourself that there really is something to all of this and maybe even go as far as to seek His Face this very moment and ask Him to be Lord and Savior over your life.
Here it goes, friends:
Part III of My Journey to Him
Yet... still... I knew nothing of God's Word. So even though I had this love for Jesus, this REAL Love for Jesus, I embarked on a sixteen year journey practicing New Age teachings, deeply embedding myself into what i would now refer to as a New Age cult. I look back and recognize that the picture I developed of the Jesus of the Bible had become so distorted that I simply was in disbelief that the Jesus who visited me in my bedroom that night could be the same Jesus of the Bible my brothers used to preach at us about for hours on end. It never occurred to me that their view of Jesus and their interpretation of the Bible was what was distorted and neither of the former.
So for sixteen years, I chased after an image of a false Jesus through the writings of namely Torkom Saraydarian. All was not loss, however, because it was there I met my husband, Randy. It was there that the two of us decided to adopt Sonya. And it was there where the memory of the One Who Saved me began to slowly yet methodically resurrect Himself in my life, mind and heart - the Jesus of the Holy Bible - the Living Word.
Then just over five years ago, I was driving home after teaching a class out of town. I was listening to a Christian music station as had become customary for me to do being that it was the only station with clean lyrics without news and suitable for Sonya's little ears. On my mind that night was the concept of karma and past lives. I was thinking about how daily I was creating more negative karma for myself, whether it was with an unkind thought, negative emotion or behavior of some sort. I reflected on the scripture when Jesus tells us to “be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.” In the New Age teaching, this verse is interpreted at face value – a person needs to be completely perfect to leave this earth for good. At this point I grew perplexed and somewhat bewildered at the predicament in which I found myself. How in the world was I ever going to work off all the karma from this lifetime and every other lifetime since I’ve been on this earth, especially since I didn’t have a clue about what I had done in past lives?!!
I literally wept as I drove down the highway, crying out to God, “How long am I going to have to come back to this god-forsaken planet before I can come home to you?!” God’s reply to me, “Reincarnation is a lie. You only get one life.”
I think it is worth mentioning that at this time, Sonya was three years of age, and I just could not bring myself to ever want to teach Sonya about reincarnation. The idea literally repulsed me. Now I knew why.
Less than two weeks later, August of 2006, Randy and I walked away from that cult and never looked back. It was our love for Sonya which drove our decision to leave right away, and I can see now how God’s Plan for us to adopt Sonya was His way of leading us out of there. But…in order for Him to get our full attention, we first needed to leave.
Once we left the New Age, however, a vacuum had been created in our lives and not sure what to replace it with, we replaced it with not much of anything. Initially we did attend a church, more so to fulfill a need in us to give Sonya some sense of community more than anything else. But quite frankly, both Randy and I still had a bad taste in our mouth regarding the Bible and our notion of its contents. I still called people who really “got into” the bible “bible thumpers”.
At a Crossroads
It was in November of 2009 when I experienced a shattering realization about how far “good” people can stray from God’s will without ever knowing it. My husband Randy and I had made a decision concerning our financial future that we thought was God’s good and perfect will for our little family. When we discovered that not only was our decision not God’s will for us but because of our faulty judgment we were standing completely outside of His will, I wept bitter tears. Never in my life had I experienced such sorrow of spirit. I felt complete humiliation, and a deep despair welled up within my very bones. I thought I had it “all figured out”, but it turns out I didn’t know a thing.
I can see now how God used that experience to draw me closer to Him because it was in the experiencing of humiliation that I was humbled. For probably only the third time in my entire life, I fell down on my knees and repented of my every sin against the Father. I called out to the Lord to save me. It is then while I lay weeping and sobbing with my faced pressed up against the floor that the Lord spoke to me and said, “Learn my Word so that this may never happen to you again.” Amen!
It is then that I finally yielded myself to God completely and began the journey of understanding His Truth from His own mouth – The Holy Bible. Again I say, AMEN! It is then that I finally understood that when I walk with the Lord and lean on His Word as the ONLY Truth which guides me I will feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and in doing so avoid the snares of the adversary. In this I can give All Glory, Honor and Praise to God my Father. Amen!
Thus began for me a fervent search to find and attend regularly a church who preached from the Word exclusively. In a three week period, I visited several churches with my then six year old Sonya by my side. At that point, Randy was still feeling like church was not a necessity for him, but as for me I knew where I belonged and felt like time was slipping away. I really did feel such a sense of urgency with this…
Beginning in January of 2010 we began attending Waynedale Baptist as a family. A lot has happened in our family since; together the baptism of Randy, Sonya and me immersed in the baptismal waters July 11, 2010; the renewal of our wedding vows October 2, 2010; the beginning of finding our way to Cassie (once known as Zhong Feng Mei) December 5-13, 2010; traveling to China as a family to bring her home December 9-23, 2011. And with each and every step, I can see God's guiding Hand. Each step needed to take place before the one following it, and I know that I know that I know the Lord has lead us down the path He has chosen for our family. “Acknowledge God in all your ways, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6
So what have I learned from reading God’s Holy Word and attending a church that preaches and teaches the miracle-working, mountain-moving, awe-inspiring power of Jesus Christ? I have learned that the only thing which assures us of our eternal salvation is Christ alone. As Preacher likes to point out - church membership, tithing, baptism will not save us. Jesus Christ alone through His atoning blood will. This blood by which we become covered the second we repent and ask forgiveness for our sins, turning away from our old life and asking Jesus to be Lord and Savior from now on out. And when can we or when should we be saved? The Bible tells us the time is now. ...behold, now is the accepted time, behold, now is the day of salvation. II Corinthians 6:2.
Salvation is for all of us because we are all sinners. “Sinners”, “sin”, two words that used to sound like nails across a chalkboard to my ears- that is until, I realized my belief in karma was way worse because karma is simply sin stretched over a very long period of time with only one way of paying it off and that is through works. But the sin referred to in the bible is something we were born with and something we can never pay off on our own and furthermore it is impossible, due to the human condition, to ever live a sinless life. Only Jesus did that, and He was and is and always will be willing to take our sin from us and wash it clean. That is if we are willing to admit we cannot do it on our own and that we need a Savior and Lord to direct our steps.
As I read back on all that i have written regarding Jesus Christ, I can say for certain that I am a miracle, people, because the change of heart within me is nothing short of miraculous, I tell you! If, however, I could impress upon my readership just one thing about my journey back to Jesus it would be this – HE IS ALIVE! Jesus is alive, and we can walk with Him and we can talk with Him, and get this- He even cares about every little detail of our lives.
When I say I go to church; when I say God lead me and my family to church, I am not saying we got all “religious”. I am saying God lead us to a church that preaches from the Word and the Word is LIVING, and the Word is Life-Changing, and the Word is JESUS. I am talking about attending a church that teaches the Truth from the LIVING WORD and the simple truth is this - religion won’t get us to heaven only a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will. Going to church won't save us, remember? Jesus will save us. And the reason studying the bible and living out its simple truths will lead us to the Truth about Salvation through Christ Jesus is because the Word is Jesus on paper!
I've heard that Religion is man reaching up to God and trying to hold on; Yet RELATIONSHIP is God reaching down to us, grabbing ahold and never letting go. Religion, filled with rituals and a necessity for works while a relationship with Jesus involves letting go and letting Him through us perform works of an everlasting kind.
You know, when people would approach me way back when and tell me I was destined for hell unless I believed in their Jesus, and that my beliefs were silly or baseless or whatever, their intentions actually became a stumbling block to me coming to Jesus sooner. Nobody wants to be made to feel like they are on the “losing team”. But then there were others who would show me what the bible says about life and what it says about the world presently, and never did they point an accusing finger. Even though in truth I thought they were WRONG, their demonstrated kindness made a lasting impression. They showed me love and friendship. They were like Jesus to me.
So here’s the thing, if you are reading this now and you have never asked Jesus to come into your heart and life and change you inside and out, now is the time. Even if your life looks pristine and together to your neighbors, friends and colleagues but deep down you know you’re one step away from “losing it” or “falling into” a depression” or “going off” on your spouse again or drinking and drugging yourself into oblivion or chasing after the world while it keeps changing the rules on you or losing sleep at night for fear of tomorrow….then now is the time.
Simply call out to the Lord. Call out to Jesus and ask him to help you now. He will. I know He will. He always does. Tell Him you can’t do it alone and you’re sick of trying. Tell Him you are a sinner (yes, a sinner through and through) and that you want a fresh start and you need His help to do it. Then ask Him to forgive you for all that you have done against Him. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9.
Or...if you are reading this now and you believe your life is just FINE without Him, then do me a favor. Just imagine for a moment that you are DEAD WRONG. And call out to Him anyway. What do you have to lose? Call out to Jesus, and tell Him you are having trouble believing He is real. Tell Him the truth. Tell Him you would like to believe but do not know how or why. Ask Him to show you the how and the why of it all. Ask Him to "show up". If you are sincere, He will. In one way or another, He will show up for you and give you a chance to confess and repent and ask and accept Him into your life FOR GOOD. Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20
Now please open up your bible, or go purchase a bible, and read it. And find a Holy Spirit filled church to attend with your family. If your spouse won't go with you initially, load your kids up in the car this Sunday morning and go alone. As our daughter Cassie likes to say often, having been in America and with her forever family for less than four months now, “Wo ai church.” (I love church.)
Go to church.
Study His Word.
Let Jesus in.
Have assurance of eternal salvation.
Change your life.
God bless you today! Love, Cheryl
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