At any given time lately, I may have as many as 600 unread emails in my account, so please do not feel badly that i have neglected keeping you up to date with Cassie's adjustments into family life. Shepherding a child who speaks another language and who has lived a life devoid of family values has been quite a challenge for me, for all of us including Cassie, yet quite rewarding in the very same instant. Suffice it to say, it is in the nitty gritty every day living of life that presently keeps me from applying pen to paper. Until now, and only for a moment. Below I have written some of my experience and views in visiting China this time around which will soon be followed by a Part II. I hope you find it interesting and in need of checking back to read further. May God bless your day!
I, along with my husband, shared our adoption testimony at church recently. As I choked back tears, the first few words out of my mouth were just how much i had missed that place (church) while we were away. China, a country I had visited only eight years prior, has either changed a great deal in that amount of time or I have. I know the latter to be the case.
Often people ask me how my trip to China went. Honestly, the farther away I get from it the more i will say i could not fully enjoy myself or relax into it. I shared at church that when i was in China to bring Sonya home, i was not a Christian, and now that i am, I sensed a darkness there i could not feel before. Oh sure, there were moments that were priceless, and I am grateful God made a way for my whole family to go to China to bring Cassie home, but overall it was a struggle for me.....
I think the underlying factor in this struggle has to do with the fact that i did not have my church family to physically turn to when stress levels were at their greatest. In the past year, they had carried me in prayer, encouragement and hugs through my countless tears, frustrations and heartache of being without my little girl, Zhong Feng Mei, and the worry over her untreated heart condition. Even though i recognize I am to stand alone in Christ, I was made aware while far away, by my ever-present human frailty, just how precious is the assembling of the brethren. Just a side note, if you do not have a church family who truly serves and loves the Lord Jesus Christ whose very presence is made known by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, then ask God to lead you to one. Being LOVED in the Body - well, there's really nothing quite like it, and i am grateful for it.
Eight years ago, I would have sworn up and down it did not really matter what you believed. I felt as long as you were trying your best to live a good life, demonstrating kindness, compassion and love to your neighbor, then God would make a place for you in the eventuality of Heaven. Before that, I went through a "season" where I questioned the very existence of God and openly scoffed at the fools who believed in Him. And i definitely did not believe in Jesus. Or, so i thought...
Until one night when I was twenty two years old, having gone through a major life crisis and complete emotional breakdown, having no where else to turn, I turned to Him, and He. showed. up. In a very big way.
That night, I experienced the Presence of Jesus by my side, the Living Word. It was a life-changing experience indeed, yet i was at the same time completely in the dark about God's Written Word - the Holy Bible. Because of this ignorance, i wandered through my life for years, seeking Jesus in all that i did, yet encountering time and again the slipperiness of works and the humiliation and frustration that went along with it. You see, I erroneously believed that if I could just be good (All.the.Time), I could earn a ticket off this God-forsaken planet, no kidding. Because I did not know God's Written Word. I did not know that eternal salvation is acquired through Christ ALONE.